The Wine Heretic's Bible
Plain English Advice for the Casual Wino
Table of Contents
Preface
I. Please Don’t Call Me a !#%@*&! Wine Expert!
II. White Zinfandel Won’t Kill You
III. What Is This Stuff, Anyway?
IV. Is This Stuff Really Better Than Welch’s Grape Juice?
V. How Can Milk Come out of My Nose?
VI. Let’s Try Speaking English This Week
VII. The Great Wine Conspiracy
VIII. Good Wine and Good Wine Gone Bad
IX. Making Scents of Wine Labels
X. The Intimidation Factor: Sommeliers, Wine Geeks, and Other Potentially Pompous A****s
XI. I’ll Match Your 90 Points and Raise You Five
XII. Everybody Loves a Good Story
XIII. Get Out Your Map And Compass: A Whirlwind Tour of the Wine World
XIV. Pairing, Schmairing
XV. Do I Really Need to Carry a Sword?
Conclusion
Sample Excerpt - The Ten Commandments of Basic Wine Enjoyment
- Thou shalt be omvinerous, boldly trying new and different wines whenever the opportunity presents itself. You’ll love some. You’ll hate some. Remember, it’s just like dating.
- Thou shalt ignore wine ratings in favor of thine own palate. Dance as if no one is watching; drink as though no one is rating.
- Drinking the kind of wine you like makes a great deal of sense. Taking the time to learn some information about wine and then experimenting with a variety of them makes even more sense. Imagine if you still ate and drank only those foods and beverages you liked when you were twelve years old.
- Wine invites introspection like few other pleasures. Chill out once in a while with a glass of wine and listen to its fragrant message. You might gain some profound insights.
- Follow the Cougar Principle of wine drinking: Treat yourself to an older vintage once in a while, just to see what charms it has to offer. You might learn a few new tricks.
- To hasten down the path to wine-drinking paradise, thou shalt find a trustworthy wine merchant and develop a long-term relationship with him or her.
- First and foremost, learn to enjoy wine viscerally, the way you enjoy music. You don’t have to be a musician to enjoy music and you don’t have to be a wine geek to appreciate wine.
- Thou shalt not be intimidated. Feel free to laugh at the wine geeks and self-proclaimed experts. The most knowledgeable wine people I’ve ever known were all smart enough to understand the immense importance of subjectivity in wine appreciation.
- No rules, just right. I actually borrowed this one from the folks at the Outback Steakhouse (I hope they won’t mind). Don’t become encumbered with all of the rules, rituals and conventions. Remember, when all is said and done, wine is still only fermented grape juice.
- Often, a profound, historic connection exists between the food and the wine from a specific place. To experience them together allows us to taste deeply of the culture of that place. It doesn’t get much better than that. What grows together goes together!
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